Free Wholesome Advice From “Grandma Stand”

Photo of Mike Matthews and Eileen Wilkinson from Mike Matthews

The holidays can be a hard time for those who have lost family members or friends. If you don’t have a grandma you can still talk to one thanks to the City of McKinney.

A little warmth when you need it

If the season feels heavy, these ideas may help you find a little steadiness and support.

For more on getting through the season with less pressure, see How To Get Through The Holidays Without Burning Out.

If you’re carrying grief into the season, Harvard Health shares practical strategies for coping with grief and loss during the holidays.

Why We Needed This

With more screen time and less human interaction, many people carry their stress and feelings alone. People are more likely to keep the bad stuff to themselves and share only the highlights reel with people via social media.

When stress stays trapped inside

There is also lasting stigma around discussions of mental health and therapy. I would like to take the opportunity to say that therapy is for everyone and it does not make you weak or emotional.

Even if you do not have a mental illness, there is proof that therapy can improve your life in so many ways. There are people with no one to talk to and that can’t be easy.

The holiday season can be rough whether you’ve lost somebody you don’t want to celebrate without or you don’t have good family relations. With that in mind, the City of McKinney in Texas is offering a “Grandma Stand” in the center of downtown.

There are three rotating “McKinney Grandmas” including Grandma Nancy, Grandma Sarah, and Grandma Judy. It can be more helpful to talk to a stranger because that stranger is removed from the situation and can offer unbiased advice.

Even if you are not looking for input, having someone there to listen to you can do wonders.  

If the digital world has made you feel more alone, you may relate to The Loneliness Epidemic: Why We Feel Disconnected (Even When ….

For another perspective on reaching outside your circle, Harvard Health explores why you may need therapy.

How It Started

This is not the first time a sweet grandmother has been there to listen and offer advice for those who need it. The idea came from New York City reporter Mike Matthews.

One phone call, then something bigger

His coworker was going through a difficult time so Matthews suggested that she give his grandmother a call. His Matthews’ grandmother, 95-year-old Eileen Wilkinson, was happy to help.

The coworker, described by Matthews as “guarded,” found herself opening up to Wilkinson about her breakup with her boyfriend of 5 years. She found the conversation so impactful in her life that the pair began chatting every week for several years.

Matthews then opened a “Grandma Stand” on the streets in Brooklyn.

Matthews commented, “I have no idea how many people she talked to through those years, but at least a thousand. She had never had any hesitancy caring and just being present with whoever sat down on that chair.”

Wilkinson’s kind words and caring nature made a lasting impact even after she passed away at the age of 102.

How It’s Going

Grandma Nancy of the “McKinney Grandmas” sat at a farmers market, offering a smile and a few words to draw in people in the area, “We all need a grandma…and grandmas need you.” Grandma Nancy may have just become everyone’s grandma, but she has four grandchildren of her own.

“We all need a grandma”

Her daughter is the one who suggested she give it a try and Nancy is so glad she followed through. She has said, “I absolutely love it. Grandmas are nonjudgmental and loving people.”

Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who’s basically a stranger, but you still feel a connection with.” Nancy has since spoken to many people, all with different lives and stories.

On her first day she spoke with “a father of three who wanted parenting advice, a young married woman with a fear about losing connection with her husband over the long term, and a couple struggling with fertility issues.”

She has said that she does not always have answers for them, but knows that just being there to listen can be a big help.

For more on what it can mean to show up for older adults with care and respect, see Kindness to the Elderly: More Than Courtesy — It’s a Lifeline.

A Lasting Legacy

Starting in 2012 with Eileen Wilkinson, The Grandma Stand has spread out to numerous other locations. You can find Grandma Stands in New York, Omaha, Denver, and McKinney currently.

Connection, without the highlights reel

There are plans to open Grandma Stands in Boston, Berlin, Paris, London, Canada, and Mexico. You are free to talk about whatever you want (within reason), whether you’re dealing with grief or you have good news and just want to share it with someone.

Once again I would like to bring up the negative impact of social media where you feel pressure to trick your followers into thinking your life is perfect. It is easy to fall into the internet and lose sight of real connections with people.

Grandma Nancy has commented on this, “We kind of know in our gut that we’ve lost a connection, and true face-to-face connection. Which I think is what people find so refreshing [about] the novelty of sitting down in that setting.” 

For a deeper look at how widespread disconnection can be, see the U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.

Now I will leave you with more wise words from Grandma Nancy, “If there’s a choice between being kind and being unkind…choose kindness. And choose love. And choose patience.” I just want to know when the grandmas are coming to my town.